Having Tough Conversations:  Things I’ve learned

The last year has been filled with optimism and challenges for me, my team and my business.  I’ve had to make some difficult discussions, and with that came tough discussions.   Here’s what I’ve learned to bring to the table.  The Good and Bad.  First the Bad.  Having these conversations are tough.  The good? The more you do them, the easier it is.  More importantly, when you come to terms with why you have to have them, having them makes more sense.

1.Be honest and transparent.  Honest with yourself and the other party.  Get to the heart of the matter without any bias or emotion toward one thing or the other.  Realize that you are here to have a conversation because you have to…it’s that simple.   Transparency is defined as honesty and openness.  Transparency leaves no questions unanswered and should leave no room for assumptions.  I found that explaining why I needed to make that choice and being honest about the process of getting there is the best way to be transparent.  They may disagree with your decision, but by being honest, they can understand.

2.Expect the unexpected.  Nothing ever goes as planned, and realizing that is always a good thing.  What you thought going into the conversation may be completely different that what you thought leaving it.  Be prepared for this.

3.Listen.  The conversation is played in your head a million times, but they have something to say as well.  Don’t just hear what they are saying … listen to what is being said.  If necessary revisit the conversation in your mind to discuss at a future date.

4.Stand firm.  You’re having this conversation for a reason.  It is probably something that you have been dealing with for a long time, and is a necessary discussion that you have to have.  Don’t start changing things up at the last minute.  Be an emotional rock.  These discussions can be emotionally draining.  Don’t let your emotions dictate another course.  Sometimes if a discussion gets emotionally charged you may find yourself feeling something other than the direction it should be going.   Take a step back, pause the conversation if necessary to regroup and focus on the point at hand.

5.Think about the underlying importance of why you are here.   For me, it was an understanding of priorities.  In the end, a successful business enables the owner to provide for his family, then the business and components of that.  Everyone should put the needs of the family first.

 6.Ask questions.  Don’t ASS.U.ME!  Even if you think you know, you don’t.  If you want to know what the other person is thinking just ask.  

7.Learn from your failures.  Many of these tough talks may end in a failure.  Failure to reach a resolution.  Failure to reach an agreement, or possible loss of a business or personal relationship.  Any successful business person will tell you that they are successful because of the their failures.  Without failure, you will not be able to learn and grow.  Even with a failure, the discussion led to a change, and change is growth..change is good.

Having difficult conversations are a necessary component of any business.   I’ve learned to follow these simple rules to guide me every time I have to have a private conversation with an employee, colleague or client.   At times, they may seem like you failed, but a greater failure would be to not even try.